The holiday season can feel like a minefield for neurodivergent individuals or those living with chronic illnesses like fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, hEDS, or anxiety that involves needing more downtime to stay well. While festive celebrations are often seen as a time of joy and connection, they can just as easily be a recipe for sensory overwhelm, burnout, and a health flare-up.
For neurodivergent folks and those with chronic health conditions, navigating the holidays requires a plan —one that prioritizes boundaries, rest, and meaningful moments over societal expectations, “holiday perfection” and eating/drinking everything you are offered in order to be polite or fit in.
For many of my patients, as well as in my own neurodivergent family, although its my favorite time of the year, it can quickly turn into our most stressful time too!
Here’s how to minimise the eight most common holiday stress traps and make the season work better for you.
The bright lights, loud music, and crowded spaces of holiday gatherings can be a sensory nightmare. Neurodivergent individuals and those with heightened sensory sensitivities often find these environments exhausting and overstimulating.
What to do instead: Prepare a sensory survival kit—noise-canceling headphones, sunglasses, or a weighted blanket for downtime at home. Set limits on how long you’ll stay in overstimulating environments. This is a biggie. It's really hard to give in to 'oh come on, just stay a bit longer,' but being firm with your 'go time' is key.
Getting partners and family members onboard is crucial to making this happen. If you are a parent of a sensitive child, even if you are having a great time and want to stay longer (trust me I've been there!) check in with your child and follow their cues so you don't overstay their comfort timeline and wind up with a meltdown later on because they had trouble regulating or masking for too long.
If you can (eg. if you are at someone's home) try to find a quiet “escape space” where you can decompress if needed. When we have friends and family (and their children) over who are neurodivergent and/or coping with a chronic condition, I try to offer them a quiet zone they can retreat to without making a big deal about it.
Too many family gatherings and holiday parties can be draining, especially if you mask neurodivergent traits to navigate social situations or have a limited “energy envelope” due to a chronic condition.
What to do instead: Choose quality over quantity. Prioritize smaller, meaningful interactions and decline events that feel like too much. It's better to decline fully some events and keep gaps in your calendar for doing 'nothing' days at home. Remember that these are valuable rest opportunities and not laziness. Be ok with most of your friends and/or extended family having a fuller holiday calendar than you. Be honest with friends and family about needing rest to avoid overextending yourself. Most people will understand.
Holiday meals often involve rich, heavy dishes that probably don't align with specific dietary needs for conditions like IBS, MCAS, or neurodivergence-related food sensitivities. Eating the wrong foods especially in excess can lead to gut issues, mood swings/behavioral issues, energy crashes and pain flares.
What to do instead: If a gathering is at someones home, try to bring a dish you can safely eat and share or politely communicate your needs in advance. If you are going somewhere for 'drinks and canapes' try to eat something healthy before you go to avoid feeling starving so it's easier to say no to excessive 'unsafe' foods eg. processed meats, processed carbohydrates, puddings and candy. If you are planning a meal out, check out the menu beforehand to see if they can cater for certain dietary preferences like gluten free or low carb/ketogenic options depending on which diet you follow. Certain restaurant types like chinese takeaways tend to use a lot of sauces which may contain MSG, vs. curry takeaways often use poor quality oils. Generally try to avoid these if possible or if you do partake, try to order a grilled chicken or stir fried vegetable dish with minimal sauces and plain rice. Stick to your regular eating routine as much as possible to avoid blood sugar crashes and the resulting fatigue or irritability.
For neurodivergent people and those with chronic illnesses, rest is non-negotiable. Yet the holiday hustle often pressures us to keep going even when our energy reserves are depleted. Especially if those around you can do it, it's tempting to just push through without resting.
What to do instead: Schedule downtime like you would any other important event. Treat naps, quiet mornings, or solo evenings as essential recharges to avoid post-holiday burnout.
It can feel hard to set boundaries with loved ones during the holidays, especially if they don’t understand your need for rest, sensory breaks, or simplified plans. Saying yes to everything, however, can leave you overstimulated and resentful and back in fight or flight mode.
What to do instead: Practice compassionate communication. Try phrases like, “I’d love to help, but I need to pace myself,” or “Can we schedule something quieter so I can fully enjoy our time together?” Setting clear limits shows respect for your needs while maintaining connection.
Holiday obligations often lead to staying up late to wrap gifts, decorate, or finish tasks. But for neurodivergent individuals and those with chronic illnesses, sleep is the foundation of health. Poor sleep can increase sensory sensitivities, emotional dysregulation, and physical pain. In our house, sleep is paramount. This has led to many a birthday or christmas with hastily wrapped gifts using old newspaper or recycled giftbags stashed away from the previous year. For Christmas stocking stuffers, it means I dont individually wrap each one, they just get stuffed in there after the kids are in bed. Everyone survived and apart from some good-humoured jokes about my wrapping deficits there were no complaints. And I was in a better mood for not staying up all night wrapping.
What to do instead: Protect your sleep schedule fiercely. Avoid screens before bed, incorporate calming activities, and delegate tasks where possible. Let go of gift wrapping, house decorating, perfect gift-finding and tree-trimming perfection if it's interfering with your normal bedtime. Your well-being is worth more to everyone than perfectly wrapped gifts or a fully kitted out 'x-mas experience' in your house.
Physical activity can feel like the last thing on your list when energy is low, but gentle movement can regulate mood, manage pain, and improve energy and sensory management for neurodivergent individuals and those with conditions like fibromyalgia or anxiety. It can be easy to forget about gentle stretching and other regular movement types like a bit of yoga or nature walking that you normally do to stay well.
What to do instead: Reframe exercise as self-care rather than a chore. It's easy for these things to get pushed down to the bottom of the priority list but put at least a 15 minute movement appointment in the calendar on repeat throughout the holiday season to remind yourself so you don't end up feeling stiff, sore and out of sorts by January. Whether it’s a gentle yoga session, a short walk, or even stretching at home, movement can act as a grounding ritual during chaotic days. If you have access to a gym or pool with a sauna, even if you don't feel energised enough for a full workout or swim, even 10 minutes of movement and then a sauna break a few times a week can make a huge difference. The best investment I made was during covid, when all the gyms were closed, was investing in a small home infrared sauna. It paid for itself in gym fees before long and I never did go back to the gym! Now I exercise outside when possible and if not, at home in the living room (and when I'm not pregnant or have a newborn try to make it to my dance class which feeds my soul and my movement needs!) and end the day after the kids are in bed in the sauna to unwind and rejuvenate.
Scrolling through Instagram or Facebook might seem like a way to decompress, but especially for neurodivergent individuals or those with anxiety or fatigue, it actually adds to brain stress and nervous system dysregulation.
It's really enticing to dissociate on the phone when feeling stressed and go into 'shutdown' or 'freeze' mode. Social media’s endless comparisons and sensory input can increase feelings of inadequacy and overstimulation. Mindless scrolling actually fuels brain stress networks rather than calming them although the pull can be extremely strong and hard to break away from in the beginning.
Many of my patients find they feel quite intense psychological withdrawal symptoms and sometimes even pain flares when they take a screen holiday from their phones but this tends to improve after 3-5 days and then lead to an improved sense of wellbeing, calm and energy.
What to do instead: Choose intentional forms of relaxation. Whether it’s reading a book, doodling, or listening to soothing music, pick 'offline' activities that genuinely recharge your energy rather than draining it further. Try a phone holiday for a week where you take off most of your apps and just keep whats app, calling and messenger to stay in touch with friends without the pull of browsers and social media.
If that seems too extreme, leave your phone at home or on airplane mode whenever you can or turned off in your pocket as an additional barrier to scrolling.
If phones are needed during the day, place your phone in a lockbox for a week after work when you get home and if you need an alarm in the bedroom, get a separate cheap one so you don't need to use the phone for this purpose.
For neurodivergent individuals and those managing chronic illnesses, the holidays don’t have to mean sacrificing health or well-being. By honoring your unique needs, setting firm boundaries, and redefining holiday traditions to prioritise you or your family members with these needs, you can create a season that feels meaningful and restorative—not depleting. This will lead to less holiday dread, greater happiness and connection.
This holiday season, let’s let go of perfection and embrace balance. After all, the best gift you can give yourself is the space to just be.
Live a Bigger Life.
Best Wishes,
Dr Dani